Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
What If Men Were Like Softwares?
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
- Romance 9.5 and
- Personal Attention 6.5,
And then installed undesirable programs such as
- NBA 5.0,
- NFL 3.0 and
- Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
- Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Dear customer,
First, keep in mind,
- Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
- Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
- If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
- Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
- In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
Good Luck
Tech Support
This Guy Has Got Some Guts
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
"The bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 pound blond with a black belt in karate. What's more, the guy sitting next to me is 6'2," weighs 225 pounds, and he's a blond weight lifter." He continues, "The fella to your right is blond, 6'5" and pushing 300 pounds, and he's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
Friday, October 10, 2008
If women were like softwares
Can anyone help with this software problem my friend is experiencing?
Eighteen months ago he upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which he'd used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Football 2. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. Eventually he tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all his hardware.
Sensing a way out, he upgraded to Fiancée 1.0 only to discover that this product has to be upgraded to Wife 1.0. He did this largely because, whilst Wife 1.0 uses up all available resources, it does come bundled with Cleanhouse 2000. However my friend discovered that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes he made, were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted, they then resurfaced months later. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer.These latter products have no helpfiles and he has to try and guess the problem himself.
Additional costly problems are that the Wife 1.0 bundle that came with the original system needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser Pro for new attachments and Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every other week. It also conflicted with some of the new games he wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation. When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to his car it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off.
Recently he's been tempted to try Girlfriend 2.0, but there could be problems, if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Girlfriend 2.0 it will delete all MS Money files before uninstalling itself.
Tough one? Any suggestions???
Eighteen months ago he upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which he'd used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Football 2. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. Eventually he tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all his hardware.
Sensing a way out, he upgraded to Fiancée 1.0 only to discover that this product has to be upgraded to Wife 1.0. He did this largely because, whilst Wife 1.0 uses up all available resources, it does come bundled with Cleanhouse 2000. However my friend discovered that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes he made, were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted, they then resurfaced months later. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer.These latter products have no helpfiles and he has to try and guess the problem himself.
Additional costly problems are that the Wife 1.0 bundle that came with the original system needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser Pro for new attachments and Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every other week. It also conflicted with some of the new games he wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation. When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to his car it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off.
Recently he's been tempted to try Girlfriend 2.0, but there could be problems, if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Girlfriend 2.0 it will delete all MS Money files before uninstalling itself.
Tough one? Any suggestions???
The Toast
A man and a woman were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled.
They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. "Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives," she said.
"I agree with you completely, ma'am," the man replied.
The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. "This bottle of wine wasn't even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship."
"That's a great idea, miss," the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share. "I'm sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?" the man asked.
"No, thanks," said the woman. "I'll just wait until the cops get here."
They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. "Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives," she said.
"I agree with you completely, ma'am," the man replied.
The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. "This bottle of wine wasn't even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship."
"That's a great idea, miss," the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share. "I'm sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?" the man asked.
"No, thanks," said the woman. "I'll just wait until the cops get here."
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Men are more intelligent!!
There were three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them a wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. She is turned into a brown haired woman and swims off the island.
The second blonde asks to be even more intelligent than the first. So instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks the fairy if she can be even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. She is turned into a brown haired woman and swims off the island.
The second blonde asks to be even more intelligent than the first. So instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks the fairy if she can be even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge.
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