Sunday, November 30, 2008
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she is happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the groom wearing black?"
Thursday, November 27, 2008
The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.”
The other cow replies, “I am not worried, it doesn't affect us ducks.”
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every day.
One day, he came to and motioned her to come nearer. He whispered, eyes full of tears: “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times."
The wife smiled softly as her husband continued, "When I got fired, you were there. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When our house burnt down, you were there. When my health started failing, you were by my side. You know what?”
“What dear?” she gently asked.
“I think you are bad luck!”
Saturday, November 22, 2008
The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."
Monday, November 17, 2008
A man working at a lumberyard is sawing a tree when he accidentally cuts off all his fingers. He rushes to the emergency room of a nearby hospital where the awaiting doctor takes a look and says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."
"I haven't got the fingers."
The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? This is the age of medical advances. We've got microsurgery and all sorts of incredible techniques! Why didn't you bring me the fingers?"
"Well, doc, I tried, but I couldn't pick 'em up!"
Friday, November 14, 2008
A blonde was speeding when a local police cruiser pulled her over.
The police officer, also a blonde, asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while, and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again, and found a small rectangular mirror, down at the bottom. She held it up to her face, and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license!!" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver, and said, "You're free to go. ...And, if I'd known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all this hassle."
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
A blonde and a brunette were sitting in a bar watching the TV screen and it was showing a man on the 10:00 news about to jump off a building.
The brunette says, "$20.00 he's going to jump."
The blonde puts down another $20.00 stating that he won't jump.
The man does a nose-dive off the building and dies.
The blonde says, "Okay, you won fair and square here's your $20.00."
The brunette says, "I cant take your money, I kind of cheated. I watched the 5:00 news and it showed the same thing."
The blonde says, "So did I... but I didn't think he would do it again."
Saturday, November 8, 2008
The President says, "Oh, my God!" and buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet is stunned. Not a word is spoken. Usually George Bush shows no reaction whatsoever to this kind of report.
Just then, Bush looks up and says, "How many is a brazilian?"