This Is Gonna Hurt-III

Corporate Ladder

courtesy:humour.200ok

Flash

courtesy:myconfinedspace

Idiotic Conversation

This is a conversation between an idiot and a computer salesman-

SALESMAN: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

IDIOT: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

SALESMAN: Mac?

IDIOT: No, the name’s Lou.

SALESMAN: Your computer?

IDIOT: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

SALESMAN: Mac?

IDIOT: I told you, my name’s Lou.

SALESMAN: What about Windows?

IDIOT: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

SALESMAN: Do you want a computer with Windows?

IDIOT: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

SALESMAN: Wallpaper.

IDIOT: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

SALESMAN: Software for Windows?

IDIOT: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

SALESMAN: Office.

IDIOT: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

SALESMAN: I just did.

IDIOT: You just did what?

SALESMAN: Recommend something.

IDIOT: You recommended something?

SALESMAN: Yes.

IDIOT: For my office?

SALESMAN: Yes

IDIOT: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

SALESMAN: Office.

IDIOT: Yes, for my office!

SALESMAN: I recommend Office with Window’s.

IDIOT: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

SALESMAN: Word.

IDIOT: What word?

SALESMAN: Word in Office.

IDIOT: The only word in office is office.

SALESMAN: The Word in Office for Windows.

IDIOT: Which word in office for windows?

SALESMAN: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

IDIOT: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

SALESMAN: Money.

IDIOT: That’s right what do you have?

SALESMAN: Money.

IDIOT: I need money to track my money?

SALESMAN: It comes bundled with your computer.

IDIOT: What’s bundled with my computer?

SALESMAN: Money.

IDIOT: Money comes with my computer?

SALESMAN: Yes. No extra charge.

IDIOT: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

SALESMAN: One copy.

IDIOT: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

SALESMAN: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

IDIOT: They can give you a license to copy money?

SALESMAN: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

SALESMAN: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

IDIOT: How do I turn my computer off?

SALESMAN: Click on ‘START’

Monkey Business

courtesy:totallylookslike

Natural Blonde

A young woman said to her doctor, “You have to help me, I hurt all over.”

“What do you mean?” said the doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe. “Ow, even THAT hurts.”

The doctor asked the woman, “Are you a natural blonde?”

“Why yes,” she said.

“I thought so,” said the doctor… “You have a sprained finger.”

SCATTERGORIES: I Am Tagged

Here are the Rules:

TAG 10 PEOPLE INCLUDING THE ONE THAT SENT THIS TO YOU.

- USE THE 1ST LETTER OF YOUR NAME TO ANSWER EACH OF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS.

- THEY HAVE TO BE REAL PLACES, NAMES,THINGS. NOTHING MADE UP!

- TRY TO USE DIFFERENT ANSWERS IF THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU HAD THE SAME 1ST INITIAL.

- YOU CAN'T USE YOUR NAME FOR THE BOY/GIRL NAME QUESTION.

SCATTERGORIES : (de ja vu)

1. What is your name:Aviral

2. A 4 Letter word:Axis

3. A Boys Name:Ankit

4. A Girls Name:Anusha

5. An Occupation:Astronaut

6. A Color:Aqua

7. Something you wear:Adidas(so what if it's the name of a brand?)

8. A Beverage:Ale

9. A Food:Avial

10. Something found in the bathroom:Aftershave lotion

11. A place:Agra

12. A Reason for being late:Alarm clock wasn't working

13. Something you shout:Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....!!!

According to the rules, I have to pass this on to 10 other people, but i think i will follow what Kadri did.

IF YOU READ THIS POST, YOU ARE TAGGED!

If Girls Ruled The World

courtesy:google

Help me give this post a title!

courtesy:google

This Is Gonna Hurt-II

courtesy:blingit

Two Hunters

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

Phony Businessman

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He’d rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?” The man said, “Sure. I’ve come to install the phone!”

This Is Gonna Hurt

Courtesy:blingit

Alligator Shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, “Darn, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

Smart Cowboy

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a bar for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."